What a Difference a Day Makes, all 365.

Tomorrow will be my one year anniversary from not working.  The 23rd of June '05 was my last day of employment.  Even though I was never one to define myself by my education or position (and snarkily resisted when around people who thought it important) working was always a part of my life and ambition.  I loved change and always strove to make a deep and positive mark where ever I decided to plant myself.  I often worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs part-time and free-lancing as a poet in residence...although my last job was often 24 hours several days in a row due to the on-call patterns  and helped place in to perspective the value of my family and I knew that it would be my last hooray in Social Services but I never thought it would be due to reasons of health even though I've struggled for a very long time. I never imagined dealing with such fear and anxiety that creeps up as I have in the last year...my guiding motto that helps is to tell myself to keep on keepin' on and if I fall down, it better be doing something I love...I don't always live it but I damn sure aim to.   

A friend, accustomed to achieving, who turned 50 a few years ago, when asked about her goals for her over 50 years remarked , "to have fun, if it not about fun, i'm not interested" She went on to say she was going to party her way out to make up for lost time.  I thought that was an odd remark from this particular person, but I now have some understanding of where she was coming from and trying to get to. I don't fuss too much over housework and try to keep my time free from imposition...my kids are teens and they chip in and cook, grocery shop, housework and even some days without being asked.  My 14 y.o. now has an interest in learning to cook for himself...in the last year he has heard more than ever the reply "what ever you find in the fridge to eat" to his question "whats for dinner".  So far he has mastered the scrambled egg for breakfast and the art of sandwich building...I was surprised when he spread sun-dried roasted tomato pesto on his grill cheese sandwich.  I do love to cook when I'm trying out something new but overall its just not as important to me as it use to be and summer means SALAD!

It took the turn of the year for me (specifically) and us as a family to adjust to my emotional roller coaster of not working.  Ya know, I'd always fantasize about how I would spend my time if I didn't have to work...some days I'm like yes, this is alright (days that I'm quilting or deep in reading or connecting with family, friends) and other days I'm a pillow potato with the remote in hand or stuck to this chair with mouse under hand playing Literati.  Good thing I'm very forgiving of myself, eh?! 

I think I'll feel less hyper and less yo-yoing and back to my calm and focused self when the house hunting ends...so far its been start-stop-start-stop due to the crazy shift changes and turn overs happening at my partner's work place and my endurance levels and partner's pickiness.

But back when I was joining quilt/fiber/art organizations a few months back, I also held my breath and ordered a bolt of fabric to dye from dharma and will dye it all  next week. I spent today ripping it into 3rd and half yards. I'll be using books by Anne Johnston and Jane Dunnewold as my guides and also picked up a book from the library on mono printing with gel plates...and also do some screen printing.  If it goes like I see it in my mind's eye...I'll spend 10 hours each day hopefully with some breaks from friends I've invited to stop by or join me for a day. I've outlined somewhat of a schedule but I know it could change once I actually get hands on. 

And speaking of hands on...I picked this piece back up:

On the right is hand work of an Ankh.  The layout has changed due to feedback I received back in March from the Carnegie Art Quilt Critiquers and I wasn't settled on the rosary that was a part of the first embellishments.  Due to meeting an angel who gifted me with the 2 Coptic crosses (which I hope to collect one day) I've replaced the rosary with the crosses which unbeknownst to the angel is what I wanted in the first place. The white Ankhs are paper and just used for tracing and I think they will go up through the right side.  I plan to fill them in at the bottom portion with thread and foil or a metallic shiva stick. But looking at it here, doing them in white would work.

I'm not sure if I'm going to place another Coptic cross on the bottom left or stitch more Ankh outlines...I'm leaning toward another Coptic cross. 

Yesterday was the first day of summer and although the humidity the last few days has given me a "take notice" call, I've made plans anyways and I'm looking forward to attending 3 and half days of the symposium that Juanita has organized for the 3rd year in a row. And then in August taking a 2 day workshop from Carol Taylor.  Both of these will be the first time for me to PACK supplies and my sewing machine.  Packing tips anyone? 

Happy Father's Day

My father after a recent stint of yard work, my partner who is working today pictured here with our youngest, my brother who recently shaved his head ending 10 years of beautifully nappy locks, my oldest son who is having his first Father's day today and preferred homemade lasagna made by his father (ex-husband) instead of going out to dinner. Amazing men, each with their own unique gifts and blessings.

Family Trip to Berheim Forest

Berheim Forest is located 20 minutes outside of Louisville near Historic Bardstown, Kentucky.  The textile piece was a creation and donation from LAFTA, the fiber art group that I just joined.  It was a sweet surprise to come across it in the educational center at the Forest.

(click on collage to enlarge)

Body, Mind, & Soul

Baileys flavored ice cream by Haagen-Daaz and these Swedish Ginger Snaps I buy at World Market are my new food treasures...Bev introduced me to American Craft Magazine and I picked up Raw Visions out of curiousity and I'm reading Blackberries, Blackberries by Crystal Wilkinson, a Kentucky author from Appalachia...and Shibori and Clay solo exhibit by Elmer Lucille Allen at the Carnegie in New Albany!

Lunch with Donna

At my new favorite spot, Havana Rumba...delicious Cuban cuisine!

(click on image to enlarge)

A Trip to Brownsville & Uniontown, PA

Graduation and Celebration Dinner!!!!  She overcame huge obstacles to achieve this and she graduated in the top of her class to boot!

(click on image to enlarge collage)

Pink, the singer

Dear Mr. President (click on to see video)

Yes! I'm sewing with focus and not under the influence of "technique addiction"....and thanks to Rian I might have recovered my deleted images from the digital.  It downloaded them but we can't find them on the computer :) 

later gators,

Good Intentions

I was going to post a review of pictures taken in the last 2 months but somehow, someway, sometime, it would appear, that I erased all the images on my memory card.  Oh well...I'm here and hanging and just to give Seamless Skin a new entry this photo will have to do as my way of saying I'm still here ;)

Its a composition exercise.

Filling My Pot

Hi Marti! This is Marti's quilt that was hanging at AQS. Marti lives here and comes to the Carnegie Art Quilt Network meetings and is a member of the River City Fiber Group and one of the curators for Form, Not Function.  This makes me want to just dive right into dyeing!

This is DebR's other quilt in the exhibit...you go girl with your 2 quilts-in-the-exhibit self!  DebR's other quilt can be seen here with the lovely Gabrielle standing in as DebR's double. 

This is Sheril's quilt who I've yet to meet in person but who is active in the state guild which I've just joined so possibly sometime in the coming months I'll meet her at a state guild function.

One of the main highlights for me was the miniature exhibit which I could hardly get close to for the crowd, but Teri had a wonderful miniature displayed and MAQS will now have a permanent exhibit of miniatures. 

Another highlight was meeting Gabrielle in person.  She saw me first and without hesitation I knew who she was and although way too brief it was like running into a friend that I hadn't seen in ages. Of course then I had to make sure I pointed out Gabrielle's quilts to my sister, Deborah, so that she could connect the dots.  And lord, my great grandmother would have loved loved loved her hand quilting stitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   She favored small stitches that I never achieved to suit her.  Gabrielle, if you stop by and read this, who taught you to hand quilt and what tips can you share?

The Fine Focus exhibit enthralled me! I loved the size, the designs, and the space!  It really made me hungry to enter more exhibits.  We did make it over to Hancock's and Caryl's studio and she was there and was very gracious.  It will definitely be a stop next year when we return. 

There are no words I can muster that would be anywhere near adequate for the amount of details in both of Sharon Schaumber's winning quilts.  Here are images of the backs: (click on the picture to enlarge the image)

  Below is the one quilt that I went absolutely ga-ga over.  The inverted triangle shaped jewelry around her head are actual metal pieces that hang loosely.  It was made by Debra Svitil and is entitled Mwanamwali.

This revigorated my love for faces so I came home and pulled out a dvd I had ordered a couple of years ago by Lura Schwarz Smith called Faces in Fabric.  In addition to watching it I actually made an attempt.  This is my great niece Carmen:

Another quilt that I had trouble walking away from was Future City   by Masumi Kako from Japan. It reminded me of the quilts of Anna Williams and Nancy Crow. An April 4th entry on Fibermania, Melody Johnson's blog outlines a history lesson on Ms Williams and her influence.

Deborah, not a quilter (yet), did feel inspired to embroider some past holiday gifts that had been languishing.  See what she did for me! I also have a nightgown with Karoda on it has well.  Wearing them just makes me feel fabulous!

And here are my new favorite earrings. Made of glass and purchased at Just Creations. 

Tomorrow I'm going to do 2 more faces in fabric using Schwarz Smith's techniques and also attempt one using Bonnie McCaffery's technique.  I've never been satisfied with ones I've made in fabric...I'll put a comparison up tomorrow or the day after...no, that will be Derby and we'll be at my parents for a cookout and our annual Derby pot....so hopefully by Sunday night.  One of them is destined to become my April journal.

Other things that I achieved this month is memberships...I joined LAFTA (Louisvile Area Fiber and Textile Art), I joined the state quilting guild and the quilt art chapter within the guild, I joined SAQA, SDA, NQA, and AQS.  The beautician that does my daughter's hair is also an art quilter and she has scheduled a meeting in late may for African American quilters that I plan to attend.  I'm really not a "joiner" type person, or at least I can say I haven't been much of one in the past but I am open to the journey and this all seems fun to me.  With the anticipation of moving in a few months I've become antsy and excited about having a room of my own to sew in and possibly dye and feed the surface design urge I have more fully and daydreaming about it has just about consumed me...but as my great-grand would say "a half caught chicken don't fill my pot" so I think the memberships have been attempts to fill my pot.

I wish I could remember which recipe I used for the salmon and asparagus, but I don't. I just remember it was good and everyone was satisfied.  But I'm sure I'll try most of the recipes over a period of time and I appreciate those who sent them to me.  I'm a recipe collector and love to experiment in the kitchen.

Uncovering evidence.

1. find a new recipe for salmon fillets and the asparagus I just purchased.
2. pack for AQS
3. register for workshops for the July symposium.
4. reschedule studio time at MACA.
5. sort out items for giving away before the move.
6. purchase a pair of earrings that i really really love.
7. start writing the reference letter for Dee.
8. make a new personal music cd.
9. paint some fabric.
10. carve a stamp.
11. kiss peter.
12. go see Crowns with my mother.
13. bookcross a book and take a photo of where I leave it.
14. review lessons in photoshop tutorial.
15. purchase some art paper and work through the exercises in Make Your Mark.
16. make a fabric collage using samples selected for covering the couch.
17. get estimates for restoration of the furniture.
18. take pictures of Adrian II
19. make myself a quilted bag.
20. do April's quilt journal.

This is a task from Chap. 1 in Walking in This World, (WiTW) by Julia Cameron.

Dancing Under the Disco Ball

Around 2:00 am this morning I had a strong urge, compelling even to get up out of bed and write on my thoughts spurred by stimuli that I experienced yesterday...three of which can be neatly identified: 1) Deborah's April 12th entry and 2) the exhibit catalog of Uncle Tom to Peeping Tom: Race and Gender Matters that I received from Sonji and 3) specific critique questions on a work in progress that I want to pose to the Carnegie Art Quilt Network group that meets tomorrow.  But I didn't get up...instead, fought the urge thinking if I did I would be up all night without any sleep at all and since I had a 10:00am appointment this morning (which was rescheduled) I needed to try to fall asleep.  I comforted my resistence by saying that the drive was so strong that surely I would remember when I awoke and be able to bring even more clarity to my thoughts.  I was wrong and I knew I would be.  So this post is an attempt to try and recapture my thoughts as passionately as they came to me at 2:00 am.

I don't keep written journals anymore but absolutely love blogging and the blog world in general.  About 8 years ago I destroyed all my journals that had started back in my late teens through my early thirties.  I mostly wrote self-serving ANGST in my journals and used them for "dumping" aspects of my emotions that seemed most foreign and alien to me so that I could go on and be the me that I wanted to be.  During an ANGST free period I decided it would be fun to go back and review my journals.  After about 3-4 journals of not recognizing myself on paper, the thought hit me that what if I had died and my children would have found these and be left with the impression that this was somehow my more true self!  How awful and wrong that would have been!  There is always that assumption that what we find in someone's journal is somehow more of their truer, deeper self and that, in my belief, can be erroneous. So I happily destroyed them.

When I was actively writing poetry, I never used journals...poetry writing was for me an arduous, pain-staking labor of spirit and no journal could have contained the process.  Poetry writing involved the work of interviewing people, looking at geographical locations and places, doing research on the evolution of ideas, critique circles, etc. and coming back full circle to a point of emotion, idea, and image on paper, let alone the editing and re-editing that occurs.  My attempt to use a journal for this process was too confining. 

Seamless Skin allows me breathing space to just talk about "supporting evidences" of my life in general and my "emergence" as someone who wants to make art quilts.  I intentionally leave my episodic conflicts of distraction off of Seamless Skin because they just don't serve the intent of this space.  Conflict for me has its own magic that reveals to me I've survived it by living through it, and I'm moving forward, not forgetting it, but just moving on.  So I was very reluctant to share my problems with my health and insurance a few posts-ago but decided to because I felt it was important in that instance to say this is happening to a real life person and to provide evidence that serves as a statement, testimonial if you will, about healthcare in what is supposedly and widely held assumption that the U.S. is the leading country of the world.  To do so, helped me fight against how the situation was making me feel unworthy and hopeless and thus it became comfortable to place here. I am not reluctant to talk or discuss any circumstance or issue but I am more conscious of what I commit to print as being reflective of who I am and my daily, typical me.

One last pondering I wanted to express was the thought of how at a disadvantage I felt trying to develop art quilts due to my lacking of familiarity with design terms and concepts and visual art in general.  I've worked at trying to become more comforable with this new body of knowledge but then I wondered if I'm feeling stiffled due to making the creative process too cerebral or cognitive about it all and have surpressed the emotion and excitement that gets me going and creating. (??????????)  I know I've been told that understanding design is only a tool, no different, perhaps than the rotary cutters and rulers we use.  No tool should get to define the space solely making it devoid of human emotion and spirit! That hit me this morning and it was like dancing under the disco ball.  So now, I just can't wait to attend the Carnegie meeting tomorrow and talk about this work in progress and get all that raw honest critique about it.

oh, btw, medication arrived yesterday and my woes have subsided for now. but it took some tenacious self-advocacy on my part.  Peace.