LOL, the title is a voice of a very dear friend who said those words to me many years ago and who I hear when I'm trying to exercise mind over matter about my health. It makes me chuckle but also come to grips with how I'm feeling. I've not felt well and am not feeling well today. At first I was contributing it to the stress of December/January...then it was not having practiced my art...then I had a touch of pnuemonia...and again this year I had to go through the rigamaroll the same as last year with another new insurance company and was without two important prescriptions until last week. There is that part of me that says "keep your hands moving, keep colour in front of your eyes, get out and be social, etc." and the joy from these things provides another focus and many times this works, but today is not one of these days. Usually I can fake it until I make it, this is not one of those days. I need to just recognize the pain and not explain it, apologize for it, or pretend its not there. I don't attend the pulmonary hypertension support group because it seemed everyone was worst then me or the ones on the mend had had lung transplants and I didn't want to face that either. I've thought about how I could channel all this bullshit into quilts and if anything I think its why I'm drawn to linear/angular abstractions of colour and shapes. I don't want the details of visualization, the burden of details. I want a meditation of colours as a emptying out busyness and a filling up of calm. This is the channel I travel to get back my self, the self that I love the most.