Monday, February 19, 2007

You Can't Meditate that Sh*t Away

LOL, the title is a voice of a very dear friend who said those words to me many years ago and who I hear when I'm trying to exercise mind over matter about my health.  It makes me chuckle but also come to grips with how I'm feeling.  I've not felt well and am not feeling well today. At first I was contributing it to the stress of December/January...then it was not having practiced my art...then I had a touch of pnuemonia...and again this year I had to go through the rigamaroll the same as last year with another new insurance company and was without two important prescriptions until last week.  There is that part of me that says "keep your hands moving, keep colour in front of your eyes, get out and be social, etc." and the joy from these things provides another focus and many times this works, but today is not one of these days.  Usually I can fake it until I make it, this is not one of those days. I need to just recognize the pain and not explain it, apologize for it, or pretend its not there.  I don't attend the pulmonary hypertension support group because it seemed everyone was worst then me or the ones on the mend had had lung transplants and I didn't want to face that either.  I've thought about how I could channel all this bullshit into quilts and if anything I think its why I'm drawn to linear/angular abstractions of colour and shapes.  I don't want the details of visualization, the burden of details.  I want a meditation of colours as a emptying out busyness and a filling up of calm.  This is the channel I travel to get back my self, the self that I love the most.



10 comments:

  1. Thinking of you today. I think sometimes we just need to stop, rest and reflect. I understand the pain and feelings of trying to work through it or pretend it's not there.
    Abstractions and just tossing a bit of paint can be wonderful. They can even end up as a base for a project later. I know you know all of this....just wanted to say I'm thinking of you today.
    take care.....

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  2. Thinking of you today. I think sometimes we just need to stop, rest and reflect. I understand the pain and feelings of trying to work through it or pretend it's not there.
    Abstractions and just tossing a bit of paint can be wonderful. They can even end up as a base for a project later. I know you know all of this....just wanted to say I'm thinking of you today.
    take care.....

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  3. I once heard Stevie Wonder state he writes lyrics and shelves them. Later when a "tune" comes to mind he may think, "Oh I have some perfect lyrics to go with this tune." He then creates an amazing masterpiece.
    So...I think you should paint the hell out of some wonderful fabric you have found. Let that anger control the strokes. Then shelve that fabric.
    I know there will be a day it will dawn on you, "Oh I have a wonderful design to go with this project." Thus another amazing masterpiece will be created for the world to embrace.
    As do many folks, I have such respect in both your strength and talent.
    It is an honor to call you my friend.
    Peace

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  4. Sorry you are not feeling well. Just rest and take care and hopefully soon all will be well.

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  5. I tried 3 times to comment on your last post the other day and see that it is still not there.
    Hope this one makes it. And I hope that you are feeling better soon, channeling as much as you can, in any way that you can, to your art.

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  6. Sorry you are not feeling well. The hardest thing for me to accept about myself is the need for rest. When I am hurting accepting that faking it just doesn't solve the problem or take the pain away. SO I GIVE UP not always without guilt and take to my bed with a good book and a cup of tea now that I no longer drink Coffee.
    Love u, take care, juanita

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  7. Hi Karoda -
    Sorry you were having a rotten day - I hope you are feeling better by now.
    I never know what I'm going to wake up feeling like, and I have to be flexible as to what I can actually DO on any given day.
    Sometimes the best I can do is Jack-all. Those days call for whatever my body and brain think they might find soothing - flipping through images, fondling my stash, watching TV or my girls, or just plain staying in bed until my skin becomes one with my sheets.
    The best you can do is the best you can do. Taking care of yourself *where you are today* is important work.

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  8. Hi Karoda -
    Sorry you were having a rotten day - I hope you are feeling better by now.
    I never know what I'm going to wake up feeling like, and I have to be flexible as to what I can actually DO on any given day.
    Sometimes the best I can do is Jack-all. Those days call for whatever my body and brain think they might find soothing - flipping through images, fondling my stash, watching TV or my girls, or just plain staying in bed until my skin becomes one with my sheets.
    The best you can do is the best you can do. Taking care of yourself *where you are today* is important work.

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  9. I so feel you! Sometimes the only place we can escape and forget the world is in our art!

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  10. I'm with Juanita, Susan, and Elle on this one. While my pain, aches, etc have never been a match for yours. The worst times are just enough to give me an inkling of where your're at, y'know, and I am then in wonder at all that you do.

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