Thursday, December 1, 2005

No Creative Energy Yet.

A few weeks ago, I just felt deflated and thought I would just let it roll and enjoy Thanksgiving which I did...but last Sunday my left lung tightened up and my fever rose and that feeling of being deflated is now one of being depleted.  I started an anti-biotic which has helped loosen the tightness but my energy just can't be summoned, found, called upon, or called out, plus due to the anti-biotic (I think) I now have a sensitivity to light, so not only is my energy zapped and I'm squinting even to look at this computer, its looks like a cave in here.  I've tried doodling this morning, flipping through art books to lift my spirit, and nothing even stirred.  I pulled out my sketch books from last year and the beginning of this year trying to find some spark. It was a nice trip to revisit what I was interested in 6 months ago but most of what I doodled will never see life in a quilt form. Here are some of the idyll sketchesDscn1081 from over the last 12 months: Dscn1078 Dscn1080

Dscn1083 The one on the right, 2nd row, actually became the Cilium 1 in the Liberation Series.


In the last few days I've been dreaming about doors, all sizes, shapes and various colours.  In the dreams I didn't feel that I was suppose to open any of them, no anxiety about them, but just completely surrounded by them, over my head, under my feet, in the front of me, behind and on the sides.  One I even had to kneel down to peep through but that was the only one that was open in all the dreams. 

My appetite has returned, so I'm going to go appreciate this. Peace.


  1. One meaning of doors in dreams: If open, an opportunity exists; if closed, a barrier or limitation in your life. Closed doors can indicate choice - you can choose to open or to leave them closed. Since you actually peeked through one, maybe you are debating about several choices and have not yet decided. I'm glad the doors have not caused anxiety; that seems reassuring, and I love curious dreams especially if they are not threatening.

  2. Well, if jen says doors closed represent a limitation.. and you have no anxiety about all the closed doors, I say:
    your body is telling you to rest, recover and restore.
    The small door you peeped through is a sign that you are just starting to "brew" some new ideas... but ready to go through that door yet.
    So eat good foods and rest a few days. Get together with good friends. Rest. Things will come.

  3. I like your doodling in the last row. I hope you feel better and you'll be able to relax, eat, and eat some more.

  4. I think Debra took the possible meanings (opportunities, limitations and choices) to a logical conclusion. She more or less voiced the interpretation I think seems most reasonable. Recover and discover!

  5. Interesting to see the sketches. I particularly like that last one!
    The door dream is fascinating too. It sounds like the kind of thing that would normally be an anxiety dream, but it must not be since you felt calm in it. I like Debra's ideas about it.

  6. Karoda:
    I am having such sympathy for you. I am in bed with bronchitis and have to be very careful that my asthma does not kick in. The doc made me come in today so that she could see how I was doing before the week-end. I can't imagine a daily life of impaired lung function. I am so zapped and I know I have overdone it this week trying to pretend I wasn't as bad as I am. My guild gave me a huge basket of embellishments this morning and I have not had the energy to look through it yet. Be well. Rest. Listen to your body. Hangeth in!!

  7. Karoda,
    I'm so sorry you haven't been 100 per cent. I'm sending some white light your way.
    Doors make great subjects for quilts...maybe you could start out with a postcard or two until you get your energy back up. We are all with you.

  8. Karoda
    Be kind to yourself, rest, and don't try to do anything but what's absolutely necessary. The art stuff will be waiting for you. Interesting about the doors dream.

  9. Karen,
    I'm sorry the antibiotic is having such a wierd side-effect. Hopefully it will leave as quickly as it came.
    You are in my prayers as always.