A few weeks ago, I just felt deflated and thought I would just let it roll and enjoy Thanksgiving which I did...but last Sunday my left lung tightened up and my fever rose and that feeling of being deflated is now one of being depleted. I started an anti-biotic which has helped loosen the tightness but my energy just can't be summoned, found, called upon, or called out, plus due to the anti-biotic (I think) I now have a sensitivity to light, so not only is my energy zapped and I'm squinting even to look at this computer, its looks like a cave in here. I've tried doodling this morning, flipping through art books to lift my spirit, and nothing even stirred. I pulled out my sketch books from last year and the beginning of this year trying to find some spark. It was a nice trip to revisit what I was interested in 6 months ago but most of what I doodled will never see life in a quilt form. Here are some of the idyll sketches from over the last 12 months:
In the last few days I've been dreaming about doors, all sizes, shapes and various colours. In the dreams I didn't feel that I was suppose to open any of them, no anxiety about them, but just completely surrounded by them, over my head, under my feet, in the front of me, behind and on the sides. One I even had to kneel down to peep through but that was the only one that was open in all the dreams.
My appetite has returned, so I'm going to go appreciate this. Peace.