Dancing Under the Disco Ball

Around 2:00 am this morning I had a strong urge, compelling even to get up out of bed and write on my thoughts spurred by stimuli that I experienced yesterday...three of which can be neatly identified: 1) Deborah's April 12th entry and 2) the exhibit catalog of Uncle Tom to Peeping Tom: Race and Gender Matters that I received from Sonji and 3) specific critique questions on a work in progress that I want to pose to the Carnegie Art Quilt Network group that meets tomorrow.  But I didn't get up...instead, fought the urge thinking if I did I would be up all night without any sleep at all and since I had a 10:00am appointment this morning (which was rescheduled) I needed to try to fall asleep.  I comforted my resistence by saying that the drive was so strong that surely I would remember when I awoke and be able to bring even more clarity to my thoughts.  I was wrong and I knew I would be.  So this post is an attempt to try and recapture my thoughts as passionately as they came to me at 2:00 am.

I don't keep written journals anymore but absolutely love blogging and the blog world in general.  About 8 years ago I destroyed all my journals that had started back in my late teens through my early thirties.  I mostly wrote self-serving ANGST in my journals and used them for "dumping" aspects of my emotions that seemed most foreign and alien to me so that I could go on and be the me that I wanted to be.  During an ANGST free period I decided it would be fun to go back and review my journals.  After about 3-4 journals of not recognizing myself on paper, the thought hit me that what if I had died and my children would have found these and be left with the impression that this was somehow my more true self!  How awful and wrong that would have been!  There is always that assumption that what we find in someone's journal is somehow more of their truer, deeper self and that, in my belief, can be erroneous. So I happily destroyed them.

When I was actively writing poetry, I never used journals...poetry writing was for me an arduous, pain-staking labor of spirit and no journal could have contained the process.  Poetry writing involved the work of interviewing people, looking at geographical locations and places, doing research on the evolution of ideas, critique circles, etc. and coming back full circle to a point of emotion, idea, and image on paper, let alone the editing and re-editing that occurs.  My attempt to use a journal for this process was too confining. 

Seamless Skin allows me breathing space to just talk about "supporting evidences" of my life in general and my "emergence" as someone who wants to make art quilts.  I intentionally leave my episodic conflicts of distraction off of Seamless Skin because they just don't serve the intent of this space.  Conflict for me has its own magic that reveals to me I've survived it by living through it, and I'm moving forward, not forgetting it, but just moving on.  So I was very reluctant to share my problems with my health and insurance a few posts-ago but decided to because I felt it was important in that instance to say this is happening to a real life person and to provide evidence that serves as a statement, testimonial if you will, about healthcare in what is supposedly and widely held assumption that the U.S. is the leading country of the world.  To do so, helped me fight against how the situation was making me feel unworthy and hopeless and thus it became comfortable to place here. I am not reluctant to talk or discuss any circumstance or issue but I am more conscious of what I commit to print as being reflective of who I am and my daily, typical me.

One last pondering I wanted to express was the thought of how at a disadvantage I felt trying to develop art quilts due to my lacking of familiarity with design terms and concepts and visual art in general.  I've worked at trying to become more comforable with this new body of knowledge but then I wondered if I'm feeling stiffled due to making the creative process too cerebral or cognitive about it all and have surpressed the emotion and excitement that gets me going and creating. (??????????)  I know I've been told that understanding design is only a tool, no different, perhaps than the rotary cutters and rulers we use.  No tool should get to define the space solely making it devoid of human emotion and spirit! That hit me this morning and it was like dancing under the disco ball.  So now, I just can't wait to attend the Carnegie meeting tomorrow and talk about this work in progress and get all that raw honest critique about it.

oh, btw, medication arrived yesterday and my woes have subsided for now. but it took some tenacious self-advocacy on my part.  Peace.

Penny Sisto and her Vision of the African Enslavement in the U.S.

I don't know if Penny handled the spirits or the spirits handled her, but something other-worldly happened!

The Carnegie Center in New Albany, Indiana opened a permanent historical exhibit documenting events in Southern Indiana and Louisville, Kentucky regarding experiences surrounding The Underground Railroad.  Penny was asked to do these quilts in conjunction with the exhibit opening.  I went opening night but the crowd was too thick for me to do more than get a feeling for both exhibits.  Last Saturday, Penny gave a gallery talk and I went.  There are 23 quilts in the exhibit and all but 2 where made since December 2nd of 2005.  That is also my youngest son's birthday and the last time I saw Penny in person he was around 6 months old and I have a photo somewhere of her holding him at an exhibit at Mary Anderson Center for the Arts.  As Penny talked about her work, I was moved to tears often and had chills several times. 

(enlarge images by clicking over them)

I find Penny's portrayal of the human soul and spirit to be her gift in textiles, but the one above was one that I felt if I stood before it long enough the man was going to start talking to me, so I had to ask her about who he was.  When she lived in Mali she had to tell this man that his time on earth was near due to blood posioning. She said he thanked her and it struck her how few people can hear the truth without hating the truth teller.  But as I type this now, I'm wondering when is hope false?  We can only know this in hindsight, right????  And isn't it our values (intangibles and evolving as they are) that really declare hope false or real????   But his image stayed with her and she placed her image of him in this quilt.

 

The quilt on the right above is entitled Requiem for Pierre Toussaint.  To read more about him: Click and Click. 

The center quilt on the picture on the left above pictures Jesus with angels. Penny's vision of angels are not the plump cherubs we are accustomed to seeing but the children who have suffered on earth.  There is a child there with down's syndrome, one who is malnourished, etc.

  

(on right above) Light a Candle In Heaven Harriet Tubman. 

  

I came away knowing that her politics, spirituality, art and soul are well integrated and progressive and speaks through her work, but I can see where many, or even most, would be uncomfortable or even intimidated by her sense of being in the world.  As for me, her work, presence is a blessing. 

Juxtapositions of March

Its been a month of juxtapositions.  Reading Deb's lastest entry about her dog's medicine which was confiscated, coupled with the last day of the month, I felt the urge to follow through on placing March into perspective. 

My insurance company changed the first of the year.  It was not until February that I knew I was headed for trouble with this new company which is headquartered here in my city.  The pulmonary doctor wanted to add another med for Pulmonary Hypertension...I received a call from the distributor that my co-pay...HOLD TIGHT TO YOUR CHAIR...would be between 8,000-12,000 PER MONTH because it was not classified as a prescription but medical therapy!  I'll leave out the details of the conversation but the good news I was told was that my insurance company has a 2,500 annual out of pocket and I could be set up to pay that in 12 months.  Sound good? NO! because I was readjusting my budget to figure in another 30-50 co-pay for what I thought would be a normal prescription...after much back and forth with many partners, I decided that I would not add the new script.  Even though I still have symptoms that cause me concern and that I know will be on-going, considering where I was just last year at this time, I've stablized miraculously in my opinion.  With that resolved, March rolls in and I received another call from the pharmacist for the medicine for the PH that I've been on for 1 year and is the reason I've improved so drastically.  Previously I paid 30 bucks a month...with the new company, my co-pay monthly (HOLD TIGHT AGAIN) would be 806.00 because of how its classified with them.  After many on-going conversations with many partners, I was referred to an agency that is set up to aid folks with PH in covering their medical expenses but I've had to stay on top of the process daily.  All this came on the heel of disability being approved in January and counting blessings, as our financial life didn't suffer too much with my loss of total income for 6 months, it was more of an emotional dent I experienced with loss of feeling autonomous in my relationship...so I was thinking finally, I could begin again to aspire with focus on some goals and that I've made it over the hump.  A few years ago I adopted the philosophy and practice that that there is never a "perfect" time and if while on our way to death, we might as well go out doing what we want to do and giving it our best shot.  So in spite of not always feeling physically good I still attempt to do that which I enjoy and brings me joy...so in March I spent a great quilty day with an old friend, kept my grandson twice (he is awake more and loves to interact and listen to jazz! but boy its work to manage a diaper bag, car seat, baby,...I couldn't have done this without my daughter's help).  She injured her knee a few weeks ago and cannot get in to see her ortho doc until the 13th of April.  We're on a waiting list in case of cancellation.  She has seen her pediatrician and this has been an on-going issue for her since she was tackled playing football a few years ago.  She wears a brace and is on crutches and does the ice pack when she comes in from school.  In addition, my youngest son who is rarely ever sick, had allergy related sinus infection and is just a big baby and drama king when he doesn't feel good. 

I attended the exhibit opening with another long time friend (who goes back to junior high) for Penny Sisto's quilts that coincide with a permanent exhibit about the Underground Railroad experience in Southern Indiana and Louisville.  I told Penny that I didn't know if the spirits handled her or she handled the spirits...they are hauntingly amazing!  I will start April by attending a gallery talk by her tomorrow morning. 

I have 2 older sisters and we've never taken a trip together.  Unlike my mother and her 5 sisters who for awhile stayed in the air going some place or another and all I got was the t-shirts.  My sisters and I attempted to finalize a trip to go see The Color Purple on Broadway but another curve that I had to deal with is finding out the ins and outs of traveling with oxygen...the great deal went bust for me when I discovered that in order for the airline to provide oxygen for me it would add another 100.00 per stop to my price on top of arranging o2 for the hotel.  This caused me to reflect a great deal on my limitations which bummed me for a while...my focus is almost hyper-vigilant to think how I can get around, overcome these challenges and well, by nature, I'm much more of a laid back, go with the flow type of person and this last year has had me out of sync...but as my great-gran would always say...if you don't change, life will change you.  There are days that the anger and sadness get the best of me and dammit, (my other motto) you just can't keep a good woman down and all that jazz. So I'm in this for the long ride and I refuse to go down!

And to illuminate a litte more about how this all effects me, my 20 odd years of working in human services, I've seen a lot. Nothing surprises me, angers me, YES! but surprise me, hardly ever to never.  My personal situations get placed on a continuum of what I've been exposed to in my 20 years as a person concerned with the quality of living in all ways and I'm highly sensitive to the issues of injustice and misery in the world around us.  Yesterday I read the story of the rape of the dancer by a lacrosse team and every image and emotion that I felt while I sat in the exam rooms holding hands while rape victims where being examed I carried on me all day.  I've never attempted to describe it to others but its like in an instance and simulaneously, every injustice begins to run together and I can feel it and see it.  I take frequent small breaks from the news and also seek out those who can better articulate what I feel in order to not allow it to immobilize me.

In March I received this beautiful collage from Memphis Pam which arrived in time to lift up my spirits: 

She found the butterfly in her yard.  Everything is collaged onto stretched canvas.  It caused me to get back on track with purging the household of items that I do not want in preparations for a move this summer.

Normally, I would have placed this on the blog I created to dump my distracting energy on around my health as opposed to here, but in March I was keenly aware of how my emotions effected my sense of self...questioning whether I can make this transition into visual arts as a quilter.  I don't normally shop often or enjoy it, but my spending has been out of control this month...but my art supplies are better equipped.  It was a sign that I was not at the top of my game and need validation that I could do this.  I remembered a poet-friend saying, "don't wait on the muse, summon her", so I scheduled some studio days in May at the Mary Anderson Center to do just that.  April will more than likely continue to be a month of juxtapositions but now that I've allowed myself to talk about it, I know that I'll be more at peace with what I must do.

Hangeth in, ;)

March's No Name Journal Quilt

This was disappointing.  I started with a 8.5"x11" printer fabric of an altered image in Photoshop of what looked like a psychedelic trip of a jar of jelly beans...I was going to bead it as a whole piece but didn't want to take the time to bead so I decided to isolate the jelly beans and play again with pre-programmed stitches...short story shorter, I hate it but in the sake of full disclosure and cooperation, here it is:

I'm not even bothering to name it. I'm ready to move on and have March be over with.  The events of the past few weeks I've had a fight with the new health insurance company, my daugther has injured her knee, we began purging the household stuff in preps to move, I've had the grandson a couple of times, and shopped more than I'm accustomed to.  The last week I've kept trying to do but my body is saying "don't" and that is when March's journal quilt lost its purpose.  I'm not even going to place a binding on it. I'm going to give it one more month before I decide if the journal quilt project is something I want to continue with.

Next week Mo and Ade are on spring break and we have planned to take some day trips.  It will all depend on how Mo is feeling with her knee, but I'm wanting a change of scenery desperately.

This I Believe

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=5298083

To see more of Frank's work, look for Coal Black Voices in my sidebar or google it. 

Scrabble Blues

Can't say I wasn't cautioned about speaking too loudly of my superior Scrabble skills...(inside the confessional booth)...but I've had a terrible loosing streak and I need forgiveness for not being a more humble ruler.  This dawned on me when I finally uttered aloud that Mud Man is the new Scrabble King.  Femi (a Scrabble peasant) thinks that all the Literati playing has thrown off my Scrabble mind set.  I'm so torned about what to do...Scrabble, Literati, Scrabble, Literati...but I've been getting my butt kicked at Literati too as Mary knows from personal experience.  I'm distraught and wrought with grief...I'll just have to find someway to play them both.  I recently purchased the Scrabble Travel board and will be meeting Mud Man to play at coffee shops from time to time.  Maybe I'll get a harmonica and play the Scrabble blues at open mic.

Artist Date

Last week I took myself on an artist date to a place that is fun for me to watch develop and grow.  There is still quite a bit of construction that is on-going but there are already tons of artists studios and retail shoppes open and each week there seems to be something new. Its been open for I guess a year at least. One of the many women who paved the road for African American women artists in this city/state had her name on an empty studio and it was a jolt of joy to my heart to see that. Elmer Lucille Allen is the type of woman who meets you once and remembers your name and any shared information forever.  First a chemist but always an artist, she makes being retired look damn good as she is a young spirit (me, I turned 84 soul years when I was 27) and she loves, loves, loves people.  I don't think I've ever been young...wild, yes, stupid, plenty, but never young. 

Here are some photos of my walk through Mellwood, (the place use to be Fischer's meat slaughter and meat packing facility).    Long time ago I lived down the street and on Sunday nights and Monday mornings the trucks would be backed into the unloading docks. I wonder if spirits of dead pigs haunt the place?????  The meat facility shared the street with Tumbleweed restaurant, a local tv station, houses, and apartments and faced north toward the highway, Coxes Park on River Road and the river being the Ohio. The genealogy of geography.

(l) This will be a live theater when complete.  (r) This is walking from the parking lot and the building that will become the theater is to the right. 

(r) This is just passing through the gates to the right and will become an artists'  supply store but I hope it doesn't hurt the other 2 art suppliers we have here.  (l) This is just as you look up on the right as you pass through the gate.                                                                                             How could I not love a cafe that has Peace in its title!?! The last photo on the right is the hallway into one section of the studios/retail space. To the left is a maze and I do mean a maze of rooms that all look like the one on the left corner of the picture.  Currently, studio space goes for $11.00 a square foot and there is a tenant that develops artist with disabilities of all kinds and they rent out studio space for 70 or 80 per month and they also run drop-in studio time during the day and after school.  I don't know if I've ever mentioned it here but one of the things I'm most proud of is developing a fine art program for adults with mental retardation and severe physical disabilities.  They have since gone on to widely exhibit and buy a gallery/studio to showcase their art. Even though I no longer work there this is still an area that I truly love to read and hear about.

Make an Offer

This quilt belongs to Cari, the good friend who is reinventing her space from scratch which I wrote about previously.  She has the quilt for sale.  My intention was to post this 2 weeks ago as a favor to help her move this but, well, the short version that explains my distraction I'll sum up with these words: soft spoken woman did not blow up health insurance headquarters to save the universe.  I live by my motto that you just can't keep a good woman down and all that jazz! So life is fine but the armor gets heavy sometimes.

Anyways, this is my friend's quilt that she has for sale. It was  made by a quilter named Elizabeth Quebbeman:

The colours are true. It is loosely quilted.

If you want to inquire further email me at karoda2743 at aol dot com and I'll give you Cari's email.

And take a peek at Carol's tea menus! Personally, this is among the freshest and creative ideas that I've seen.

and I will never do that again!

I had Passion blown up to as large as Kinko's could get it (3'x3.5') and it was just a little under 10 bucks for it! First, I didn't ask how much it would be because the last time I had something blown up there it was around 3 bucks and I recall thinking that it was cheaper than I expected.  Second, its not as large as I really wanted it but decided to work with it that size and make 2.  If I had been thinking on my feet I would not have taken it! But instead I was dazed by the shock of the cost.  So tomorrow I'm taking a 40% off coupon to Hobby Lobby and get the Tracer!

Yesterday was Fantabulous!

After waking up late for a buck-a-fat quarter sale, a non-quilting friend and I made it to the quilt shop about 10:30 and dammit the batiks where already gone and I was told they wouldn't cut anymore of them for the sale! But I managed to get about 30 fat quarters which are drying now (anyone want to come and iron them for me?).  I also picked up Jan Krentz's Diamond Quilts & Beyond as it was on my wish list.  Marilyn was really taken aback by the crowd at the quilt shop.

We left there and went over to the Carnegie to see Form, Not Function. Marilyn loved  Danny's Turtles (by Diane Bielak) and Tommy Fitzsimmons quilt, Pickets #13 . We then had lunch at Buckhead's where she tried Fried Green Tomatoes for the first time and loved them.  Then I whisked her off to E & S Gallery to see Valeri White's Quilts.  Highly original and vibrant!!!!!!! Valerie can be seen here and she also has a self-portrait in the Spring issue of Quilting Arts.  While at E & S, I discovered another textile quilter, Phyllis Stevens. None of the works shown on the site where in the gallery, but 2 others of women.  She uses tapestry and upholstery fabrics and they are fairly large and framed under glass.  I don't like quilts behind glass...framed yes but the nature of glass doesn't compliment the quilts I've seen covered by it.  But nevertheless, her use of diverse fabrics and rich colours made her quilts highly dramatic and stunning.

Our next stop was to show her the gallery and studio of Mary Craik then to Border's to pick up Quilting Arts.  Days like yesterday are so precious to me and worth the fatigue at the end of the day! Thanks Marilyn. 

Its all process

How or when this image came to me is a story for inner circle friends that I'll leave off this public space but the working title is called Passion.  I sketched it immediately because I tend to forgo-to-forget things.

I haven't attempted it yet as it is a large piece in my mind. In Photoshop I turned it to grayscale and applied another effect that I don't remember. Tomorrow or Monday I'm going to take the grayscale to Kinko's and blow it up as large as they can get it.  My ambitious self says to make 2, one with the black background and one with the gray background.  My base self says take it one step at a time.

Also, in the name of process, the piece below of the flower petal was going to be my March Journal quilt but the size is 10"x12". It started with the front of the greeting card on the left in the picture. I scanned it, enlarged it, cropped it, and gray scaled it. Then taped it to the window and traced it trying to capture the light and dark.  I numbered the pattern pieces 1-7 with 1 being the lightess nad 7 the darkest.  My goal was to use the thread lines to create darker contrast for a shadow effect so the backing fabric wasn't attached until I was finished with the thread lines.  The backing was painted and in that picture you can see my daugther's new obsession, Bunkin, the Shubunkin Gold Fish.  Late summer of last year it was the Sunflower obsession...I have a gazillion photos of the life of the Sunflower.  Front, close-up, and back below: