Tarnished Spoon

hey now! Deb is going to buy one of my gift cards from Dillards!!!!!!!!!! and what does this mean to me?  I can take Melody Johnson's workshop!!!!!!!!!!! 

I went to Dillards today. The agreement with myself was that I would buy something if I found something that wowed me! I didn't.  I could have found a suit or similiar attire for those work purposes when I need to look like I'm interested in being professional, but the truth of the matter is I could wear the same thing everyday as long as it doesn't smell and I wouldn't give a damn if someone said "she had that on yesterday".  I really do need to be wealthy enough to be classified as 'eccentric' versus just plain ole' crazy as a loon. 

I almost talked myself into buying some bath and body products by Origins but my heart kept saying "I wish I had the money to take Melody's workshop instead".  So I didn't cave in and came home and called Deb to see if she wanted the gift card.  She told me that she sold her Singer sewing machine.  That is a good thing since she has 4 sewing machines, 1 serger, and 1 overlock machine.  Hell, I didn't even know what an overlock machine was or why she needed one, but she broke it down for me. All I have to say is 'what evah'.  She is such an hell of a seamtress.  I wish she would delve into wearable art!  I bet she would win ribbons and prizes and such.  She refers to wearable art as 'wearing your quilts'.  again, what evah. its just an excuse not to be great as you are...the same with Mud man, such a dynamic and prolific poet...he needs to finish his degree and teach in a writing program and publish his work...fuck him and his rhetoric about 'the man'.  He is just plain scared and burdened with financial woes and complacency to go for it.  Its like Mandela said, who are we not to be great, created in the likeness of the Supreme God?!  It is our fear and self doubt that holds us back...that is the disconnect, the sin.

I have a sign over my desk at work that reads "sometimes we have to build our wings on the way down"...yeah, sometimes, that is just the way it is.  Can't keep lamenting about the tarnished spoon in your mouth.  Hello Adrian! 

Maybe I need to create another blog about the woes in my life?

Well, I haven't did any sewing since early December.  I have so many visual ideas in my head.  I started Ruth McDowell's book, Art & Inspiration. She had me with the toaster catching fire and the beer.  It seems to be some what of a memoir of her developing life as quilter.  Even though she doesn't go into details about her personal life...all I could say when she mentioned her divorce was 'fuck him, she is a woman with a degree from MIT...she was bound to make it'!  But with 2 children I am sure there where moments she had that seemed insurmountable.  I recall that is was the birth of my 3rd child that made me more subdued and open to the voice of security and responsibility.  But Alice Walker advised that a writer should only have one child...if I had followed that advice my heart would be greivous since my oldest, thus far, continues to break my heart...and my last 2 seem to offer the road to higher ground.  This weekend I asked myself, what would a quilt for Adrian look like? 

Have you ever read Gibran's poem, On Children?  Dee hipped me to it.  It speaks to responsibility without ownership...which defies Black Parent Speak of "i brought you in this world, i can take you out"...here check it out.  Maybe in my younger years I was an unstable bow to parent????